Experiencing success and fulfillment in life and leadership often comes down to the choices we make in response to bold and defining questions, especially the ones we ask ourselves. One of the most important is: “Will I navigate my life as a giver or a taker?” This involves a moment-by-moment choice that is guided by our values and demonstrated by our daily actions. In “Take One” of this post, I offer five key distinctions to reflect upon.
Distinction #1
Givers possess peripheral vision. They see forward but they also notice the situations and people around them, and give them due consideration. They notice things that most other people either don’t see or choose to ignore in their desire to get where they are going. They are willing to step aside or step back to accommodate others.
Takers see only the way forward. Their agenda always takes precedence. They either fail to notice or choose to disregard the needs, interests, and presence of others. They view the people ahead of them as barriers to their progress. When takers define people as barriers, they justify any behavior that involves working around, rolling over, cutting off, or cutting out these obstacles.
Distinction #2
Givers maintain a light grip on their “personal” rights. They often yield to other people as an act of courtesy and humanity. They don’t hold tightly to their place in line or proximity to the closest parking space.
Takers always want to be first. They see no reason to delay self-gratification. They aggressively assert what they view as their personal rights, regardless of how insignificant or minor. They see yielding as weakness or inefficiency, if they see it at all.
Distinction #3
Givers are gracious. They say “please,” “thank-you,” “yes sir,” “yes ma’am,” as a sign of respect to all people of all types and in all situations. They treat direct reports, co-workers, valet attendants, clerks, janitors, and wait staff with the same high regard as they do their most revered boss.
Takers are pushy and demanding. Their interactions are one way – their way. Other people exist to serve them. They see status, not basic humanity, as the only legitimate basis for personal respect.
Distinction #4
Givers compete; they just compete primarily against their own standard of excellence. They don’t lose precious energy worrying about beating someone else out. They focus on achieving their personal best, which leaves plenty of room for growth and development on everyone’s part.
Takers define winning as beating someone else to the finish line. They see only one prize and relish in standing over the vanquished. Winning, to takers, is a zero sum game. In other words, to win, someone else must always lose.
Distinction #5
Givers make personal sacrifices to meet the needs of other people. They freely invest their time, talent, and resources in the lives of others with no expectation of return. They are willing to get dirty if it contributes to human development and dignity. They are willing to write checks, but never as an easy alternative to direct involvement.
Takers tout the personal sacrifices they have made to put themselves above the need for assistance. They are stingy and take great care to protect what is theirs. They give as long as it does not hurt or cost them anything of significance. They meet the needs of others outside of their circle of interest only when it is convenient or beneficial for them to do so.
Stay tuned for “Take Two,” where we will look at more key distinctions among those who choose to live generously and those who choose the path of self-interest.
]]>