Taking Time for Joey
Sat, May 22, 2010 
Got a little time for me?Some of my best thoughts occur while I’m in the shower. I heard once that this may have something to do with the nerve endings in our skin being stimulated by the streams of water. I don’t know if this is true or not. My challenge is remembering my great ideas after toweling off. My attention span, just like yours, is getting shorter and shorter these days. So, let me get right to the point while my hair is still wet.
I was thinking that we all have a hierarchy and priority system in our heads when it comes to people and our response to their needs. This system operates with lightening quick efficiency, generally just below our level of consciousness. Here’s how it works for me. A couple of days ago, I received a call from someone who ended up leaving a message on my cell phone. We’ll call him Joey. I’m not sure whether to call him a friend, a colleague, an acquaintance, or something else. This type of categorization may seem benign but it actually makes a big difference in terms of the priority I place on returning his call. For example, if Joey were a client, I would have already called him back by now. I’ve had the time. The reality is that Joey falls outside my “immediate” priority zone. He is an early thirty-something guy who I met about five years ago. He is a bright, conscientious and kind-hearted young man who sees me as a mentor with regard to his career in human resources. Joey has been making a steady transition out of food service management into the HR field. I’ve invested maybe 10 hours over the past couple of years coaching Joey about his career. He is the type of person who will make a strong contribution to the profession.
We all have Joey’s in our lives. Decent people who deserve a slice of our time and who we might actually enjoy helping. But, we place them lower in our hierarchy and priority system because they are “junior” to us in terms of age, position, status, maturity, experience, expertise, etc. Hopefully, we don’t look at our Joey’s as inferior, because that would be misguided and wrong. We need to accept; however, that we apply a pecking order of sorts when our Joey’s make requests of us. We guard our time.
To be successful, and to make sure we accomplish what matters most in life, we need to prioritize tasks. We need to be careful; however, with regard to prioritizing our relationships. Tasks are tasks; people are not. I am not suggesting that we can give equal time to everyone in our lives. This is just not realistic or even desirable. In an increasing complex and noisy world, we need have good filters, sound boundaries and the courage to say “yes” and “no” without apologizing and flinching. Still, we can’t allow ourselves to place relative worth on the people who need us. I’m not talking about the people who try to impose selfish or unrealistic demands on us without consideration of our needs, but rather the Joey’s who simply ask for a bit of our time. This can be mentees, employees, colleagues, clients, acquaintances, friends, children, or relatives. The category is not what is important. What is important is the person.
I’m working very hard to reframe how I look at the Joey’s in my life. It is an honor and a privilege to be needed, to be thought of as a person who is capable and willing to help. I want to drop the hierarchy code from my priority software and use it the way it was intended. I will continue to prioritize my tasks but I will look to return the honor that people show me when they ask for my assistance.
The Joey’s in our lives will not be able to pay us or advance our own careers. Sometimes all they have to offer is a listening ear and a grateful heart. I have a strong desire to achieve success and enjoy the rewards that come along with it, but it is really nice to be genuinely listened to and thanked. It also provides a good opportunity for me to remember when I was a Joey to someone else. By the way, the guy in my little story really is named Joey. I plan to call him back right after I make this blog post.
Reader Comments (1)
To all the "Marks" out there…
All your Joey’s know exactly how busy You are. It’s what makes you, You.
To be concise, it’s Your drive that is infectious… if You weren’t out there becoming a better Mark, we would think there was a limit to our own potential. You’re the first Person we want to call with an update and the last Person we want to disappoint. And if anyone could do it, you couldn’t be You.
That’s what makes every ounce of perspective, influence, time and attention You freely give (whether over coffee or over a blog) so valuable, or invaluable, I should say.
To all the Marks out there, thank You.