Getting Some Skin in the Game

It is important to be comfortable in our own skin. Spending our lives trying to live up to someone else’s expectations of who we should be is unproductive and unhealthy. I did a lot of that while growing up, until I finally grew up. I find that I have to remind myself about this every now and again as an adult. It is also a waste of time and energy to compare ourselves with others who we may perceive as having “more” than us – more wealth, more status, more attention, more success, etc. Most of us know this full well but we still fall victim to comparative thinking.

There is tremendous freedom in being ourselves – the unique one-of-a-kind person we were each of us was made to be. I was reminded of this while walking my border collie Strike yesterday morning. I have been trying to be more diligent about taking him for long, early morning walks. The big fur ball got a bad report recently from his Vet. The doctor was concerned about Strike’s weight gain over the six-month period since his last checkup, especially now that he is slowing doing and approaching his “retirement” years. I am not quite ready to join Strike in retirement but I thought some brisk exercise, with the potential of a little weight loss, would suit me as well.

As Strike and I got about a half mile from the house, I noticed a deer – a doe – about fifty yards from away, just a few feet off the road. The doe had her head turned directly toward me and was not moving a muscle. As I keep closing the distance between us, the doe remained motionless and Strike remained oblivious. I thought this was odd given the skittish nature of deer and the intense herding instincts of border collies. Normally, Strike is off like a shot if he sees a squirrel, rabbit or deer anywhere within 100 yards. Strike may be aging and a little over weight but he can still run, well, like a deer. Maybe he was having slow start to his morning. The only other explanation for Strike’s inattentiveness is that the doe did not run. She stood her ground. She did not offer the normal stimulus (i.e., flight) and therefore she did not elicit the normal response (i.e., chase). The doe had an air of nobility and grace to her as she calmly watched us approach.

What struck me the most about this encounter was that the doe did not appear to be frightened nor did she assume an aggressive posture. I walked up to within 8-10 feet of her and stopped. We exchanged a long look at one another. (Strike was still not with the program.)  It is then that I noticed the fawn directly behind her. Maybe that had something to do with the doe’s behavior. As soon as I broke eye contact with the doe and focused on the fawn, the mother calmly scampered away into the woods with her baby by her side. She was in not particularly hurry to get away. She seemed to sense that we would not give chase.

Sometimes, as human beings, we need to stand our ground; not to fight or to be defiant, but rather to simply experience our own strength and confidence. This is the strength and confidence that comes from being comfortable in our own skin, in our own uniqueness. There will be plenty of things in life that will shake us and some that will rock us to the core. We will all encounter our share of bullies, naysayers, and hateful people in our work and personal lives. The best response is generally not to play their game. Bullies expect us to run. Their nature is to give chase. Change the rules on them by standing firm. Naysayers want us to abandon our plans. They fear that we might be successful and that they will be left behind. Make good decisions but don’t abandon your dreams. Hateful people hope to belittle, discount or disregard us to the point that we doubt ourselves. Their nature is pull people down in an attempt to lift themselves up. Do not give them the ammunition for their attacks. Hold your head high and don’t drop it. The only opinion that really matters is your own. Your skin is your unique signature as well as your protection; do not allow bullies, naysayers and haters to get under it.

We will need all of our internal resources and the help of good friends to get through difficult times. We should not add to the challenge by taking on the self-imposed burdens of cowardice, self-doubt and comparison. Day-by-day, I am learning how to be more comfortable in my own skin, and finding that it creates a quiet confidence that allows me to tap a reservoir of courage and strength. It is time for all of us to get some skin in the game.