Cultivating Curiosity

Curiosity may have killed the cat, as the old proverb warns, but it is the lifeblood of dynamic relationships and continuous learning. Without it, our relationships grow stale and perfunctory. When we lose our curiosity, or fail to activate it, our social, mental and spiritual growth is stunted.

I like being around curious people, and I suspect you do as well. Curious people tend to be vibrant. They create their own energy and radiate it to others. They have the ability to draw other people out, and then draw them in by engaging them in dialogue. They demonstrate a deep and sincere interest in people and ideas.

If you want to improve your relationships, fan your curiosity. Ask good questions. Be tactful but also be bold. Then listen carefully. When we listen attentively to others, it widens the pool of information we have at our disposal, helping us to avoid narrow perspectives and conclusions. Listening also communicates a deep sense of value and respect for others – the building blocks of healthy relationships.

Watch children. They love to be listened to because it allows them to be visible and feel important. They also love to ask questions; their favorite one being “Why?” This little three-letter word is the most profound yet simple question that can be posed. When taken to extremes, it can drive people (especially parents) crazy, but it is still very powerful. Questions promote dialogue and discovery, which lead to greater knowledge and understanding.

When I was growing up, I had the opportunity to interact with “Uncle Irving,” my mother’s uncle. He was a curious guy, in all the good ways. We typically saw him for a few days a year during our annual treks to Florida. His appearance never changed. He always seemed old to me but not old as in decrepit, worn out or tired. He was more like Santa Claus though a lot thinner, shorter and less hairy. As far as I could tell, Uncle Irving liked to do four things: read, work with his hands, go to church and engage people in conversation. What I remember most about him was his smile, the twinkle in his eyes and his inquisitive nature. When we visited with him, there were typically a lot of family members present and we would sit around the living room to talk and watch a little TV. Uncle Irving was always observing and listening. He would wait for an opportune moment and then share something he learned that day or ask a thoughtful question. He was always sensitive to quests and visitors, and would engage them first in a gentle but direct way.

As an adult, I remember one particular time when my ageless Uncle Irving asked my seven year old daughter about the shirt she was wearing. It was a Mudd® brand t-shirt, with “Mudd” written in huge letters across the front. Uncle Irving asked what it meant, and then added that in his day “Mudd” was not something you aspired to be called. Everyone got a charge out of the exchange that followed, especially my daughter. Uncle Irving had the ability to bridge generational gaps. He was an adventurer and explorer of sorts. He didn’t fear the unknown; instead he was drawn to it. Courage and genuine curiosity were his primary tools.

Cultivating our curiosity has many benefits. It helps us stay young in our minds and our hearts. It enables us to engage others and remain relevant. It opens up dialogue and helps build relationships. Curiosity is action-oriented. It creates movement, allows us to solve problems and fuels passion.

Those of us who serve in leadership roles should be especially sensitive to cultivating curiosity in ourselves and our organizations. Curiosity is a catalyst for innovation and creativity, and is essential for competing in a global economy characterized by ever increasing complexity, speed and diversity. Perhaps most importantly, genuine curiosity demonstrates true humility and increases our capacity to listen to the ideas and changing needs of our employees, clients, customers, partners, peers, family members and others with whom we have vital relationships. Those organizations that succeed in cultivating curiosity will learn and adapt the quickest, enabling them to remain relevant well into the future.