Yes & No

Perhaps the two most robust words in the English language are “yes” and “no.” They are elegant in their simplicity and raw in their power. While these words can pack a punch, they are not “loaded words” that attempt to influence the listener or reader by appealing to emotion. According to Wikipedia, “Loaded words and phrases are those which have strong emotional overtones or connotations, and which evoke strongly positive or negative reactions beyond their literal meaning.” The words “yes” and “no” are also strong, not because of what they evoke, but rather because of what they convey. These little words hold great power because their meaning is clear and unambiguous. They are bold and distinct. They are definitive and final, provided they are not followed by a moderating word like “but.” An old boss of mine advised me to always be leery of what he called “the big but.” Wise words if not a bit off-color.

Like TNT, the words “yes” and “no” need to be handled with great care. They can be used to build bridges between people or tear them apart. This makes them extremely potent but also dangerous, calling for thoughtful and skillful use. Some people try to avoid using these words because they prefer the relative safety of open-endedness to commitment. They fear the creation of an expectation for themselves and an obligation in the minds of others. The ambiguity of non-commitment provides room for the “eluding slide” – the artful side step people use to avoid accountability. For some people, accountability feels like they have a big red target on their backs. Their life involves ducking and weaving in an effort to stay out of the sights of those they perceive might be trying to draw a bead on them. Avoiding “yes” and “no” provides good cover, though it can be exhausting for everyone.

There are other people who don’t fear the words “yes” and “no,” they just use them carelessly. When these words are wielded casually, without genuine intent and follow-through, they can cause major problems. For instance, when I say “no” to something destructive or unhealthy, and then break my commitment, I not only put myself and perhaps others in harm’s way, but I also lose a degree of confidence in myself and trustworthiness in the eyes of others. Likewise, when I say “yes” to something and or someone, and then fail to act on my commitment, the same negative results occur. Self-confidence and trust are precious resources that we will need to tap into throughout our lives. Making strong commitments – with transparency of intent – and keeping those commitments – evidenced by decisive action – are essential if we are going to guard these resources.

The words “yes” and “no” take on even greater significance when used by those in leadership positions. Like it or not, leaders act as the legal, moral and ethical representatives of the organizations they serve. To be credible, leaders must be careful to speak and act with the utmost integrity – which I see as a mix of transparency, consistency and nobility of thought and action. Failing to make and keep commitments will cause our stakeholders to discount what we say and do. The “discount factor” works to thwart employee engagement. This is because people who lose faith in their leaders typically end up withholding some of their personal commitment and discretionary effort. If employee engagement is allowed to spiral down, it can eventually result in a state of disengagement. Disengaged employees not only withhold their discretionary effort but actively work against the interests of the organization. People want strong, decisive and reliable people to lead them. Leaders who master the use of their “yes’s” and “no’s” will have much greater influence and impact than those who attempt appeal to everyone or try not to offend anyone by saying nothing. I realize that’s a mouthful, but if you break it down you’ll see the truth in it. Think about this the next time you watch a press conference with a politician.

If you are looking for more perspective and authority on this subject, you may want to consult scripture. The Bible advises its readers to let your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no.” This advice is simple, profound and timeless. Interpreted in the proper context, the instruction is that we need to be people of our word. When we speak, we don’t waffle, equivocate, hide behind policies or rely upon contracts. What we say, we do. We don’t shy away from making commitments; however, we make them prudently, knowing that our credibility and the legitimacy of whom or what we represent is at stake. Scripture is very tough on commitments that are made in a lukewarm, half-hearted or wishy-washy manner. This is because these weak commitments – whether “yes’s” or “no’s” – have no heart or honor behind them. What we say reflects directly on our character and our follow through speaks powerfully to others about our trustworthiness. Leaders who adopt a prudent approach when making commitments will grow a reputation for being straightforward, honest, dependable and courageous. Given the massive failures of leadership that we have all witnessed over the past couple of years, those who achieve and maintain this type of reputation will not only begin to restore broken trust but also extend their influence in countless ways.