Tweaking Up Our "Thank-yous"

Saying “thank you” is easy. It requires little mental effort or emotional investment. When it comes down to it, our “thank-yous” can be practically thoughtless and heartless.

Most of us have been taught that it is common courtesy to say “thank you.” It is certainly a nice thing to do but the fact that it is “common” means that it can lose its impact. I believe our “thank-yous” have been used too casually and with little effect. Think for a minute about your personal use of “thank-yous” in your emails, conversations, text messages, etc. How many of these have become so perfunctory that they hardly get noticed, like a period at the end of a sentence? Even adding a little emphasis, folksiness or informality usually does not help much. “Thanks a bunch!” and “Thx!” have about the same impact as “Thank you very much.”

Please don’t get the wrong idea. Expressing thanks is a vital part of civility, something we need a lot more of, especially in our workplaces. I just think we can do it a lot better. As leaders, we need to master the art of appreciation. Genuine appreciation and recognition are like shots of adrenalin for people. They keep people engaged when attitudes and energy levels are in danger of flagging.

Here are some suggestions for improving our “thank-yous” and expressions of appreciation.

1. Make it sincere. This is the first and foremost thing to keep in mind when expressing appreciation. Sincerity is demonstrated through genuineness and personal warmth. If you lack sincerity, your “thanks” will bounce off of the recipient’s forehead and land back in your lap. Worse, insincere appreciation can sometimes be interpreted by others as disrespectful or manipulative.

2. Personalize your message. The easiest way to do this is to include the person’s name when thanking them. I never realized the power this had until someone pointed out to me how special she felt when I used her name in expressing my appreciation. Our names are our identity and therefore have great significance.  

3. Be specific. General expressions of thanks are okay but do not leave any lasting impressions. Appreciation that includes specificity conveys that you have given the matter some careful thought and that you not want the recipient to hear and take in everything you have to say. Being specific does not mean that you need to be verbose. Appreciation can get lost with too many words. Rather, being specific means that you include pertinent information and details. For example, “Sue, I really appreciate your help with the market analysis. You provided some keen insights about our key competitors that would have been missed had you not be involved.” This is much different than, “Sue, I really appreciate your help with the report.  Keep up the good work.”

4. Keep it pure. Expressions of thanks get people’s attention when they not mixed in with other messages. If you want to say thank you, focus on your message and do not water it down or clutter it up with other information.

5. Focus on the delivery. The way you deliver your appreciation is at least as important as the message itself. When delivering your message in person, make sure that you are fully present, not just bodily. Give the person your complete attention. Slow down, look the person in the eye, and smile. In ten seconds you can deliver a message that has enduring impact.

As leaders, if our objective is express our thanks in a meaningful ways, then we need to be purposeful about how we do it. I am not talking about mechanical formulas or stiff technique. Formulas and techniques do not touch people emotionally. Just remember to make it sincere, personalize your message, be specific, keep it pure and focus on the delivery. Try it. You will very likely make someone’s day, including your own.