The Parsley Test

It is comforting to know that there are some people in our lives who will watch our backs. None of us come equipped with eyes in the back of our heads, nor do our heads swivel past about 90 degrees. This may be by divine design, since it creates in us the need to rely upon and trust others.

The people who watch our backs can spare us from a variety of harmful situations and embarrassing moments. Usually, these people are close friends, colleagues or relatives, but not always. Sometimes they are complete strangers.

I had this experience several months ago while out to dinner with some friends at a local bar and grill. We were chatting and having a good time when a few of us noticed a guy walking across the room with a four foot streamer of toilet paper stuck to his back heel. As we snickered, I observed that some other people in the pub had also taken notice of the guy, who had no idea that he was the subject of a live comedy act.

My conscience finally got the best of me and I decided to intervene in an effort to save my unknown bar buddy from further embarrassment. I devised a quick plan of action as I got out of my seat. I casually got as close to the guy as bar room etiquette would permit and causally stepped on the paper, trying not to draw his attention. There was some social risk involved. Even if I managed to avoid detection, two bad things could still happen. For one, the four foot streamer could easily tear and become a two foot streamer. That would not help the situation. Worse, the streamer could attach itself to my shoe, making me the new subject of amusement. Fortunately, neither one of these scenarios occurred. The streamer was freed and a fast acting waiter picked up the paper and disposed of it. The waiter had a wry smile on his face that revealed that he had been part of the studio audience for the past couple of minutes.

When I got back to my seat I realized that a good number of other people had tracked this little episode from start to finish. My friends were impressed by my small act of bar room chivalry and I got approving head nods from a few other tables. It was not like I took a bullet or I dove on a live hand grenade, but people did notice that I stepped up to cover some stranger’s backside, so to speak.

While there are occasions when we can watch someone’s back in a stealth mode, most of times this is not the case. It is almost impossible to watch someone’s back and be quiet about it. Looking out for the reputation or well-being of another person sometimes requires the courage to confront whatever or whoever is posing the threat. Ironically, the person we sometimes have to confront is the same person we are trying to protect. We may need to help save them from bad choices, dangerous misperceptions or even self-destruction.

Not everyone is cut out for rear guard duty. Serving as an advocate for someone else may require a person to put their own reputation, interests or safety on the line. This is why “backwatchers” are such a rare breed. There are plenty of superficial backslappers and backscratchers out there. The former promote their personal agendas by becoming masters of flattery, while the latter engineer reciprocal favors to further their self-interests.

One simple but effective test of whether you have the mettle to be an effective advocate for someone is what I call the Parsley Test. Here’s how it works. You are at an important business function. Everyone, including you, is looking to connect with potential clients and make a good impression. You have the opportunity to meet the CEO of a large pharmaceutical company – Herb Collins. You notice that Herb has a good sized piece of parsley wedged between his front tooth and left incisor. Herb introduces you to a few members of his executive team who are standing around him in group. You observe some body language that indicates that everyone has picked up on Herb’s herb problem.

If you take Herb aside and tactfully inform him you about the parsley, you pass the test. If you clam up and engage in collusion, you fail. Forget about telling yourself that it is impolite or unwise to intervene. Think about what you would want if you were the subject of Herb’s herbal dilemma.

You can change the Parsley scenario a hundred different ways. The point is this, if we want to become trusted advocates, we have to step up. Sometimes all we need to do is to serve as a mirror that reflects reality for another person. At other times we have to intervene and put more at risk. And, if we want to have our own rear guard of trusted “backwatchers” around us, we have to purposely cultivate relationships with genuine, confident, and courageous people who are mature enough to operate outside their self-interests.